Flywheel

Accident, luck, or choice?

Welcome, and a warm first hello to the newcomers!

I’m so happy you’re here.

This week’s post revolves around the Wheel of Fortune, a tarot card that celebrates transition. You can read my previous post on this subject below:

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Currently, I find myself in the middle of several transitions: I’m aging into greater comfort with myself, starting a new job and a new relationship, and working to put a book out into the world. I feel the unsettling, hopeful squishiness of change.

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Contents:

1. Remedies

2. Bite the Dust

3. Fully Formed

4. Rhapsody

5. Name Your Price

6. Peaceful Chance

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Background music: “The Joy of Being Alive (Flywheel Remix)” by The Lizzy Co Show

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Remedies

A poison plant is only murderous
If I choose to consume its glossy leaves.
The concepts that I feel are true, and just:
Reflections of the things I choose to eat. 

I never need the urgent antidote
Now that I know how harmful potions look.
A bitter lesson learned: deep in my throat,
And slick across my tongue, from what I took. 

Some pungent potions are necessary,
But, I find in the gentle everyday,
I don’t have to force down sour remedies,
If I can learn just how it is I’m made. 

A poison plant looks delicious, it’s true,
And I’m sure, that somewhere, it has a use. 

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Bite the Dust

Born the second child, the double take,
From ego, from desire for tiny toes.
Such greediness in my parents, those days. 
Such anger as they watched their small girl grow. 

My body was for covering with clothes,
For shielding from the hands that sought to touch,
For looking good for others: all for show,
For shaming, for deeming ”a little much.”

Fury from my older brother at me
For washing dishes in a white sports bra
On a blistering day, himself shirt-free.
He told our mother on me: mom was law. 

She sided with him: said to cover up.
These days, body shame can go bite the dust. 

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Fully Formed

The lie is that you have to get married
In order to become a whole person,
A mature adult who signs wills and deeds,
Respectable, doing what should be done. 

I did not marry: still, I became real.
I grew into a person, fully-fledged.
Though, I was indoctrinated to feel
That life begins in earnest once you’re wed.

What to make of a woman, unmarried,
With bank account and credit of her own,
Who votes and works and networks with a breeze,
Who feels at ease when she is all alone?

There is no tan line on my ring finger,
Though, I’d like a partner who would linger. 

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Rhapsody

I think a rhapsody on pussy lips
Would have to take an honest, loving view:
Nikki Glaser’s looks like a Rolodex,
And so does mine. I swear to God, it’s true. 

Pussies are made in such unique displays,
There’s no way to say there’s one perfect kind.
I’ll hear no criticism any day:
My lips were made in different sizes. 

I’m sick of hearing about young women
Who feel their pussies need remodeling.
There’s so much pressure to be porn-ready:
Magazines say that’s how you get the ring. 

I’ll only listen to the rhapsody
Of people who love pussies just like me. 

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Name Your Price

Each night’s a dinner rush for us hot girls:
Lines of bodies-expectant, just outside,
So full of hunger, empty from the world,
Seeking a warm pussy where they can hide.

Your wanting eyes slap duct tape on my mouth.
You don’t require my participation,
Just my passivity when you’re around.
If I’m pretty, it’s okay that I’m numb. 

Pushing, pushing, crowding, heavy bodies,
Creatures who can—and will—overpower,
Beasts who cannot contain their own release,
And force us hot girls to live in towers. 

I don’t blame those creatures. Warm pussy’s nice,
But it’s not something where you name your price. 

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Peaceful Chance

I wished a young couple a happy life
Last night, at work: they were freshly engaged,
And flushed with hopeful love, faces so bright,
Hearts filled with expectations for their days.

When I expressed to them my true goodwill,
Their faces widened, youthful radiance
Shimmering all around. My heart is filled
When others leap to take a peaceful chance.

It’s such a relief not to feel bitter
When I see others experience love:
I worked so hard, got mentally fitter,
Learned how to see my own self as enough.

I like to watch the young folks doing well.
I want to hear the things they have to tell.

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Please consider a small donation to my fundraiser to support the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I will be walking to raise funds for AFSP this October to celebrate both my birthday and my continued existence on this earth after multiple attempts on my own life. I am now healthy and strong enough to walk, so I walk.

Please click below to share the link or contribute to my fundraiser: