Headache Sky

A SmallStack Seed Pod collaboration

The following post is part of a Seed Pod collaboration about failure. Seed Pods are a SmallStack community project designed to help smaller publications lift each other up by publishing and cross-promoting around a common theme. We’re helping each other plant the seeds for growth!

Welcome, and a warm first hello to the newcomers!

I’m so happy you’re here.

Each of these Sunday poems center loosely around a tarot card, and this week we’re checking in with Strength.

This card reminds me that I can only control myself.

---

Suggested music pairing: “Black Swan Event” by The Lizzy Co Show

HEADACHE SKY

Conscience is exhausting, and New-England-winter messy.
The buses in my city are never on time.
Today was too snowy to commute by scooter or bike,
And my Uber home from work was a Tessie.
I was spent, I had a migraine,
I was in too much debt and pain to eat the cancel fee and wait for another ride,
So I got inside,
And I frowned up at the headache clouds through the tinted skylight.
This is being disabled in America:
It’s not having a choice not to work with the enemy,
And just hoping I leave my collaboration unchanged for the worse.
It's knowing I failed in my morals,
Then coming home and putting it all in a verse.

When I meditate too long on what’s both hard and true,
My legs merge into a scorpion tail that stings,
And my back arches strong.
I wouldn’t wish scoliosis on you,
But it’s all I know,
And for now my spine is holding,
And so is my place in the order of things. 
Neither mens sana, nor corpore sano,
But I do the best job I can do. 
Failure to grow correctly: was it on me?
It’s certainly not on you.

I grew up in the country near a gun shop,
And a fox-haired boy I knew from school
Accidentally, tragically, shot a man, a farmer in a tractor.
The fox-haired boy thought it was abandoned.
How many times do we use someone for target practice without thinking?
I don’t believe that boy meant to be a bad actor. 
Isn’t it funny how most life-changing moments are unplanned?
Solid ground: so suddenly, we find ourselves sinking. 

A broken arm feels no guilt for the cast,
So why do I keep apologizing for working out the shit in my past?
Healing takes the time it takes,
Then it returns with more. 
Lord, let my back remain strong,
Keep me up off the floor,
Do not allow gravity to collapse me.
Let me always remain in sight of a door.
Let me fail and always try some more. 

---

Want to see more posts from this Seed Pod or join in on the fun? Head over to our roundup to learn more!