Welcome, and a warm first hello to the newcomers!
I’m so happy you’re here.
Each of these Sunday poems center loosely around a tarot card, and this week we’re checking in with Death.
This card reminds me that letting go of outdated, harmful beliefs is part of growing up.
Contents:
Lacuna
Underground
LACUNA I’m done demanding answers from the world: My mother tongue can’t help me clarify, Nor can others, and so I keep mine furled. I learned the word lacuna late one night. My gender is unspeakable, it seems: I’ve yet to find the proper English word To tell the folks around me what it means To exist as this person in the world. I guess “woman” will have to serve for now, In place of some more appropriate name. Perhaps, countries I know nothing about Could lend the definition that I crave. I’m done demanding answers from the world. It hurts too much, but so does staying furled.
UNDERGROUND When I get close to the Red Line at night, I cannot always bear the things I find. I have dreams of the Harvard T stop, The station where the trains arrive: The entrance I used back when I was in grad school Was curving, and tiled, and wide. I used to run hard to catch the outbound train. I thought there was so little time. I felt fully grown, but I was a fool, Completely bark and zero bite. I have dreams of the Porter T stop, The one with the windmill so high. Should’ve known that I had a disorder When I saw those tall stairs and climbed. Exercise to forget the eating. Ground my body up and down flights. My knees still remind me of choices I made Based on needs of others, not mine. I have dreams of the Davis T stop, The place where the buses pull up, Where I sat waiting for some nobody-man Who never showed. (That day was rough.) I reckoned with the recklessness of a guy Who had different standards for love, Then I cut my losses, bought Plan B alone. The burden of silence will cut. I have dreams of the Alewife T stop, The end where the whole thing begins. I used to arrive before sunrise, Park up high, hope one day I’d win. I don’t have that car or that life now. That time was wings, but now I’m fins: I’m swimming in safer streams these days, Correcting the falsified sins. When I get close to the Red Line at night, I cannot always bear the things I find. But when I feel I cannot stand it all, I find a safe place, such as this, to fall.
Lovely - I like how you touch on some really serious/hard-hitting topics in a very gentle and subtle way. 💞