TEXTS BETWEEN JESUS* AND MY MOM
*pretend Jesus is whatever authority figure you want
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Please keep my baby girl this little forever.
She’s so perfect.
I’ll never let anything happen to her.
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I know, she’s a real gem.
My dad did a great job when he made her.
Enjoy her while she’s this little, because she’ll be grown in a blink.
Remember to let people help you out with her.
I’m supposed to be the hero around here, not you.
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I have to do everything myself to make sure nobody messes anything up and hurts her.
If I look away and something happens, I’ll never forgive myself.
But, I promise I’ll do a perfect job.
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It’s not your forgiveness that matters, it’s mine, remember?
And, you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be good.
Please, please take a nap, drink some water, and let somebody pitch in.
You’ve got good neighbors and friends around you, and a husband who actually wanted children.
My mom wouldn’t want you to have as hard of a time as she did, kiddo.
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My baby used to be so sweet and now she’s cranky all the time.
It seems like the better she gets at walking, the angrier she gets.
She’s so disobedient that I’m scared she’ll end up in Hell if I’m not careful.
I know I’m going to Heaven and the thought of not seeing my baby again in the afterlife is just not acceptable.
Please tell me what to do.
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It’s all about love, remember?
Well, sometimes it’s about flipping tables, but mostly it’s about love.
So, just love her.
When you’re cranky, there’s always a reason why, so put on your detective hat and figure out what’s got her so upset.
She’s not doing it to be a pain in the ass, she’s trying to tell you something is wrong.
Be the adult my father grew you to be.
I’ll be watching.
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This little girl doesn’t appreciate how good her life is compared to mine.
She won’t offer anything up for the souls in purgatory the way I’m supposed to teach her and I’m losing my mind.
No matter how many times I spank her, she just keeps being a nasty little witch.
I’m trying so hard to keep her safe from Hell so she can enter your Kingdom and she just seems to want to burn.
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I hear you, I really do.
Look, I know we both had tough starts in life, but that doesn’t have to be something you have in common with your daughter.
I didn’t die the way I did just so you could keep on suffering too.
The wars you’ve been fighting are over and you’re just swinging at nightmares, kiddo.
She doesn’t need to be scared of the world to be a good kid.
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I haven’t heard from you in a while, but she’s been talking to me quite a bit.
Please don’t make me come down there again.
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If you two have such a great relationship, she’s your problem.
I’m done.
Lizzy’s Mom has notifications silenced
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Thank you so much for reading my work. See you next week.
